You ruin me #1

                            I always want to have a life just like the books I read. I always spent most of my time reading novels because it was my way to hide from the world and enter a life that I always wanted. I always crave the relationship from the novels the bad or the good.

Now my dream is coming true but I dont know how to handle the pain,
The what if something goes wrong.I use to make fun of the characters from novels , how they overthinking and jealous.

I'm worse it's like im transforming to this person I barely even know, my insecurity level scare me,  I even started to think im not pretty enough or not thin enough.it's like im back in time when I thought the only way to get attention is to show my figure but now I'm worse.

When you insecure, you dont feel beautiful.
When you dont feel beautiful, you feel depress.
When you feel depress, you becomin this stranger nobody recognize; not even yourself.

Its hard to keep loving yourself when you feel soo down, the only thing in your heart is pain & insecurity .

someone once said "different people bring different side out of you" which is accurate.

His ruin me piece by  piece
He brought the worse out of me
His like a drug, you know its not good for you but you still take it soo you can feel relieve.


                       

Escaping the Friendzone

I wanted him since puberty strike

I use to watch him wash his car shirtless, playing basketball with his boys, doing what an ordinary teenage boy do.

I told myself it wasn't nothing until he started to date, thats when I realize i was drunk in jealousy, Jealous of someone I would never had but only in my dream because he already set a title for me which is  "Sis".

But today im locking that fear of rejection on a box, that fear that help me blended with his shadow because of his title "sis"

But today i will go for what I want or what I dream of .

Cause today Im made of steel.

I wore my most beautiful dress showing my curves ,I usually don't put makeup on but than I said what the hell. Putting that black&silver lace thong on and a see through bra that I bought for this day forward.I use to sneak in on his girlfriend to see what sexy lingerie she wear, so I make no mistake for this day forward.

My good mood and healty attitude gave me courage to text him before I
walk in the liquor store "I'm coming over, do you need anything from the liquor store"

This time I got a response instantly. "Red wine, my boys is about to leave so its gonna be just me and you"

A tingle spread through my body."yay" I told him before I could stop myself. What was I doing? So I reminded myself that today im made of steel, today im a titanium.

I knock at his door three time

He open looking surprise, his Caribbean ocean eyes scanning my body like a hawk, I coulda of sworn I seen a sign of lust on his eyes.

He let me in; gave me a hug and said "hey sis".The title im trying to escape from.

So I pull out two wine glass and fill them, cause today I dont mind intoxicated him to escape from that title I despite so much.

One glass down
Two glass down
Three shot...

The wine was the drum to my soul,the drum to my body, i never felt so free.
So I did the one thing I always wanted to do, which is strip to the rhythm of Beyonce-partition while he sit on the couch eyeing me like if he blink, he would miss something.

Before he could say anything I move q

closer, I can feel the heat of our body. Cause today his my magnet and im his steel

So I did the only thing that can help me escape that title I despite so much ; I kiss his soft lips, he taste better then the sweet red wine,I felt a wet sensation like going through my vigina as he kiss, an itch I couldn't scratch.

My body is needy for him, my nipple got sensitive from touching his chest. The only thing that kept us a part was the fabric on our body.

I want more, I need more.

So I start to unzip his pants to get what i came for but he touch my hand and said.......

                       

             -Thanks for reading you can read the rest tomorrow before midnight ♡¤♡

Prisoner of history

We all are prisoner of history.

The past that you cant move on from.
The chapter that you keep repeating over and over again.
The unspoken words that can't come out.

The pain you feel everytime something remind you of that weight you carried with you everywhere you go.

We need to untied the chain that kept us a prisoner of that pain that we can't let go of.
 So what are you prisoner of?

                          -Thank You ♡¤♡

Why do people mistaken Lust for Love

                There's is a big difference between Lust and Love, Having a strong feeling  for someone can make you think you in love, especially when someone is really good in bed  it can make you think you fallen over heels for that person but the reality it's Lust .
For example a friend of mine is been with a guy for a couple months now he been treating like shyt, telling her shes uneducated like all the worse thing a girl dont want to hear from a male. He even stop talking to her couple of days and write her like nothing ever happen but she always reply, even we told her its not a healty relationship but she think she cant leave him because she said the sex is really good and she think she love him.
The reality is he never ask her or took her on a date, if you considering going to the club with her and his friends as a date be my guess. While the other guy who truly care about her taking her out to eat,  throwing her a birthday party and buy her gift but at the end she still choose the asshole over him .Sometime when you so use getting what you want and suddenly a person take that away from you, it start driving you crazy and start to become obsess asking yourself "why doesn't he want me ?" "Am too skinny or fat? " etc. So here's the difference between Love and Lust.

1. Lust -is physical emotion and reaction to someone else physical appearance. It's when you're sexuality attracted to a guy and want him only for sex.Lust tends to be short live and is more about  immediate gratification. If it's just lust, you will have sex in the heat of the moment and only feel physically fulfilled.

2.Love- Fellings are the most common way that people learn about and experience love.when it is truly love, you will feel good about yourself when you're with and without him. As a result,  you will also feel good about him.Since you're only human, sometimes you may not feel good about yourself  or him.This doesn't mean it's not love .It just means that things are ebbing, change and growth are taking place.

            

                   -Thank you for reading ♡¤♡